Tommy Linz appeared to be the most excited, saying, “I love Panama! I hope we can check out 16 year old girls!” Megan reminded him that they were going to Panama City, Panama, and not Panama City, Florida, home of spring break and bikini-salsa wrestling.

The teams made their way to the airport, where they got in line at the Continental Airlines desk for a flight that would land at 6:39. The Linz, Bransen, and Paolo families bought tickets for this flight, but when the Godlewskis reached the desk, they were told that the flight was full.

Now I hate spreading conspiracy theories, but did anyone else notice all those empty seats on that plane? Unless half the passengers were in the bathroom, that flight was not full!

BUSTED!! Ha! Though, I don’t really understand why they would force the teams to take two flights, other than to create a pointless little footrace through the airport, since upon reaching the Instituto, the playing field leveled again with an overnight bunching point. Maybe the people in those empty seats really did just all have to pee.

Anywho, the remaining three teams got tickets for an American Airlines flight that would land at 9:10 – a meaningless difference due to the aforementioned bunching point-o. Despite having to cross a scary bridge over la agua infested with los aligatoros, the teams all made it safely to Panama and spent the night at the Smithsonian Tropical Research Institute, or as Bransen girl simplified it, “Instituto del Something.”

Panama: The sky is blue… the sea is BROWN! Eww!

First task in Panama – take a boat across the Panama Canal to find Ricardo Diaz, a rather pointless exercise which required the teams to find the correct guy in a hammock. Oh Bertram van Munster, you sneaky snake! Putting a decoy hammock-man at the beginning of the path!! Very clever, but you’ll have to do better than that to outwit these teams.

Burrito! Conquistador! Arriba Arriba, Andale Andale! El Speedo!! It was back to the boats, and the Weaver-bashing had resumed again in full force. Mrs. Weaver told the Linz’s driver to “go slow,” (a brilliant move, by the way – I can’t believe it didn’t work) infuriating the Linz boys, who called her a “bitch,” and said she needed to take her crazy pills! Yowza!

Carissa Gaghan took the bashing even further, siphoning the gasoline out of the Weavers boat and stranding Team Fruit Loop in the middle of the Panama Canal! “Where’s your precious Jesus now, LOSERS” yelled Carissa as she commandeered her family’s boat and drove back to shore! Oh no she didn’t! OH SNIZZAP!!! (She really didn’t. I have to stop living in TAR: Fantasyland.)

Back on dry land, it was time for this week’s detour: Rhythm or Coos. Rhythm involved a trip to Ceaaaasko Veaaaayho on a funny red bus, where the teams had to do something unmemorable involving musical instruments and dancing ladies who shook their boobs like they were having epileptic fits.

Help me! I am having a crrrrrrazy seizure! Seriously, I need an injection of Trrrrrileptal prrrronto!! Ayeeee!!!

The other option was Coos, which also involved riding in a funny red bus, but to el Parko Metropolano instead. I guess Coos is some sort of bird, because the teams had to spot bird decoys using binoculars and circle them on a big card. Unfortunately, Christine Godlewski confused bird watching for beekeeping.

Gaaaash darn it! Why didn’t anyone tell me not to wear my beekeeper heaaaat?

Update: Could “coos” possibly refer to the cooing sound that birds make? Hmm, pretty lame, considering they were wooden birds.

Carissa Gaghan just reminded me that if Julie Chen can host a television show, a wooden bird can probably coo. Good point, Carissa.

The really exciting part of this episode, though, was not the detour, but the FAST FORWARD! Oh yes, you heard me right! Phil explained to us that in TAR:FE (is it totally geeky if I call it that?), there is only one Fast Forward in the entire race, and this one involved tandem bungee jumping! Oh PLEASE let it be the Paolos!!

Both the Paolo family and the Gaghan family voiced their intention to go for the Fast Forward, and although it would be cute to watch little Carissa plummet to near-death toward that gross brown water, I really want to see Marion Paolo do it more. It came down to a footrace to the bottom of the bungee spot, and thankfully, a well-placed van prevented the marathoners from outrunning the Paolo family.

Go, go, go… where do we go? **SLAM**

YES! The Paolos (MARION!) are going to bungee jump! This is going to be awesome!

Surprisingly, Marion seemed unfazed by the idea of diving off of the enormous structure they were ascending, while DJ, on the other hand, was petrified. First Dad and Brian took the plunge, and seemed to have fun doing it. Next up were DJ and Marion. I had envisioned something like DJ saying “Ma, quit whining,” followed by a smack to the boy’s head, causing both of them to topple over, with screams of “YOU BETTER COOOOOOOOLLLLLL IIIIIIIITTTTTTTT!!!” as they dropped toward the sea. Instead, what we witnessed was DJ screaming SO LOUD and SO GIRLY-LIKE that Marion’s reaction was entirely muted.

In the end, the bungee-jump turned out to be a bonding experience for Mom and DJ.

DJ: I love you, Ma.
Marion: I love you, son.
DJ: Ma, quit huggin’ me so hard.
Marion: SHUT UP, I will hug you as hard as I want!
Carissa: You two better COOL IT!!!

After the other teams finished delivering instruments and cooing, they were off to play some baseball! On the way, one of the pink ladies told the Linz family that Tricia was going to make out with one of them! Wait, do they think they’re at spring break, too?

On the way to the baseball field, another Godlewski gal suggested that Sheaaaaron “flash em" when she runs to first base. Yikes, these ladies are crrrrrrazy in Peaaaaanamaaa! Making out with the Linz boys? Flashing 14 year old little league players! La vida loca, indeed!

The road-blaaaahck proved easy for some teams (the Linz and Gaghan families) and tougher for others. Sheaaaaron had a particularly tough time, but after a commercial-break-interrupted (read: needlessly-over-dramatically-intensified) moment of frustration, she pictured her old boss’s head on the ball and whacked a base-hit.

Our gals knew they were in last place, though, and despite some creative editing to make us think that the Gaghans might wind up trapped indefinitely behind an errant soda machine (this editing fake-out was brought to you by… delicious ice-cold Pepsi!), the pink ladies’ luck seemed to run out as the Gaghans finished fifth.

Preparing for the possibility of a non-elimination leg, the Godlewski gals donned every last pink thread in their beaaaack-peaaaaacks.

We’re dropping drawers, girls!

I for one was nervous, thinking that it couldn’t possibly be a non-elimination leg, since this was the only leg on the entire race with a Fast Forward! But, logic be damned, it was! Poor Christine didn’t put on that beekeeper hat for nothing! Despite violating Panama's "Underpants On Top Of Underpants On Top Of Pants Act of 1974," the pink ladies will live to see another day, and (hopefully!) another country!! Yay girls!!!

So, what did all of you think of this episode-o?