March 31, 2006
Catching up is hard to do
As some of you may have noticed, I have not posted anything on Just Us Moms! in almost two months. It was heartwarming to read all of our loyal readers messages of concern (actually, the gist of the emails was more like, “why haven’t you been posting recaps ON TIME, you lazy bitches??!?” But I’ll pretend you were all just worried about me).
The truth is… I had bird flu. It’s true. Seriously, don’t ever have the popcorn chicken at the Bangkok KFC. It may be yummy, but trust me, you dont want these little buggers inhabiting you for two months. Anyway, I have, for the most part, recovered, but don’t you feel BAD for scolding me about the timeliness of our recaps now?? Hmmm? How heartless are you? Bastards.
Anywho, Karen has been doing her best to write the recaps solo while I was in intensive care, but now we’re two whole episodes behind. So what to do? Well, since episode 4 was on almost a week and a half ago, I’m pretty sure none of you even give a creaaaaap (Big ups to my Godlewski gals! Your season may have sucked, but I still love you) about reading a recap anymore, so I’ll sum it up with the shortest recap ever, after the jump!
You’re still racing!
Off to Germany!
WALL OF DEATH! (Don’t you wish the Weavers had to do THAT one?)
Horrendously obnoxious product placement!
More roadblocks featuring dancers in ethnic garb!
Wanda and Desiree eliminated!
Yeah, that was totally lame. Sorry. A REAL RECAP of this week's (hopefully it’s still “this week” by the time I finish the damn thing) episode is coming soon, I promise!! And now that the bird flu has subsided and I am more "regular," you can expect the recaps to be, too!
March 15, 2006
The end is nowhere in sight!
Well last night was certainly exciting, wasn't it? But not nearly as exciting as whatever that zero-gravity, driving really fast around the racetrack up-on-the-walls thing is that happens next week. Wow.
The contestants had to leave Brazil with a grand exit, jumping a zip line that showed them a beautiful view of Brotas, Brazil, right before reading the clue that tells them they have to travel over 7000 miles to freezing cold RUSSIA!
It was then an auto race to the bus station, where they would take a charter bus to Brotas and then onto the Sao Paolo airport. Unfortunately for Lake and Michelle, "SHUT UP" got in the way of their teamwork and they became lost on the way to the bus station. Parked in a corn field, Lake stood on the hood of his car, trying to see the right direction. Michelle told him to get down because he was denting the roof of the car. Rather than admit he was wrong, Brock told Michelle not "get ugly" with him, and fumed along in silence. Poor Michelle, if only she had competed with her sister or her kid or something.
It was a long flight to Russia, and when they arrived, language was a major problem, as apparently few people in Moscow speak English! Fortunately Wanda was able to communicate by telling her cab driver to open "el trunk," which he understood perfectly.
The Hippies arrived first at the Roadblock, which involved taking off all your clothes and standing in the freezing cold so that the teams would truly appreciate the climate change from Brazil. Then, once they were in little bathing suits (oo la la... Lake looked almost good enough to counteract his bad personality), they had to climb up onto a ten meter high diving board and jump into a warm swimming pool in front of a bunch of jeering Russian Olympic swimmers.
Eric: "Yolanda hurry up! My nipple ring is stuck to my side and it hurts!"
The diving challenge was going smoothly, with mostly the weaker team members choosing to do it, since it was more about guts than stamina. However, Mom Wanda ran into big problems because of her "fear of deep water." This was probably not the Roadblock for her, since she didn't "know how to dive down." Daughter Desiree, to her credit, was very encouraging, and Wanda eventually overcame her fear with the emotional support of Desiree and lots of tall buff Russian men.
Next came a Detour that seemed an awful lot like a Roadblock. The teams had to choose between washing buses and searching through hundreds of Russian dolls for a microscopic clue. But the dolls were not alone. There was also a traditional Russian orchestra playing dance music for a group of dancers that circled around the searching teams, veering close enough to brush them with brightly colored scarves. I think Linda would have lost her cool!
Obviously most of the teams went for the bus washing, however, there was one problem: No cab driver in all of Moscow knew where the bus depot was, meaning many teams switched Detours at the last minute. Linda and I suspect that the producers chose a difficult-to-find bus station because they had paid the wonderful Russian band and dancers to perform and needed some teams to show up for the doll challenge. That reminds me of the Bata Shoe Museum challenge in Toronto at the end of last season. All those models don't work for free!
Yolanda searches the Russian dolls and wonders why the traditional Russian dancers don't wear more Spandex.
With some teams still washing buses and poor Fran and Barry still searching through all those dolls, Eric and Jeremy were the first to arrive at what they thought was the pitstop, only to have Phil tell them that the leg wasn't over. Oh the suspense of a "To Be Continued..." I could be wrong, but I think this is the earliest extended leg in the history of The Amazing Race. It's pretty expensive to keep all the teams around that long, but the suspense is worth it. We are on the edge of our seats... How are the rest of you holding up?
March 8, 2006
Farewell tall ladies
Hey everybody! Since Linda's TiVo is broken, I'm going to write the recap this week, but I'm afraid I won't have all her hilarious screen caps, so just bear with me.
"Lisa, ah just peed mah paaaants. No, ah reeealy deeeud."
First I want to say how excited I am about this season of The Amazing Race! The first two episodes have been thrilling, making the contestants first traverse a huge, traffic-choked city and then dive directly into the wilderness. And next week they will have their first mind-numbing equalizer roadblock that involves searching through hundreds of Russian nesting dolls! I can't wait for that one. Perhaps they will also have to eat some very spicy Russian soup as well.
But back to last night's episode!
It was a very physical day for all the teams, leaving most of them more exhausted than Fran's brain after trying to put together that motorcyle for hours last week. Some teams took a slightly easier road at the Detour by distilling ethanol from sugar cane using traditional scientific devices. Of course self-proclaimed "Nerds In Love" David and Lori got a real charge out of that challenge, with David even remarking that he did that exact experiment in science class. These two have tickled me since the beginning... It's nice to see young people so unafraid of professing their feelings for one another. It's almost as heartwarming as hearing hippies BJ and Tyler say "hot dog" every two seconds.
"Oh David, this reminds me of how we met! Except the crank was a little smaller and we were in Kansas..."
The only other teams to refine the sugar cane were mother/daughter team Wanda and Desiree and the "Glamazons" (my personal favorites!) Lisa and Joni. Both the Nerds and the mother/daughter finished well, but somehow the Glamazons fell behind. They had major car trouble and navigational problems, and I think that contributed to their falling into last place. At least Joni didn't pee herself this week like she did last episode after disembarking from the helicopter in Sao Paolo.
Even if the science experiment put the two glamorous ladies into last place, it was probably a wise choice judging by the physical challenge, which was basically a repeat of the challenge where I lost the Race for Linda and myself in Season 5. It involved scaling a cliff using a device called an "ascender," which requires both upper and lower body strength, plus a good deal of coordination and stamina. I actually couldn't bear to watch parts of it, especially when Senior Fran was struggling with the technique and it looked like her leg might pop right off. I had to stare down into my Cherry Coke and force back tears. If only...
Come on Karen!!! CLIMB!!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!! CLIMB!!!!!!!! Oh, shoot.
Fran did eventually make it to the top of the cliff (just like I did!) and her husband Barry didn't exactly sprint up after her. They were both worried about being eliminated, and I was too, having grown to like both of them over the last two weeks. However, somehow the Glamazons managed to finish after them and were eliminated. It will always remain a mystery to me exactly how they managed to be so slow, but at least they finished ahead of the annoying gays last week. I did enjoy hearing John standing in the streets of Sao Paolo manically yelling "No one wants to help us!!" But only for one episode.
As for Lisa and Joni, I am sorry to see the only all-older-lady team go. I guess Linda and I will have to pin our hopes on either Wanda and Desiree, who are great competitors and also speak Spanish, which is a big help; or on Dani and Dani, who wear matching outfits, and that is perhaps the truest way to our hearts. However, those two need to watch it and try not to act like huge skanks or they may lose our endorsement.
"Evuh since ah first saw theeus show, ah wanted to do theeus." Poor Lisa... at least you didn't go out trying to scale an impossibly tall sheer face of rock with your disappointed partner looking on.