Apparently not wanting to be outdone by Phil's crazy mat-dance last week, Julie Chen, Big Brother's hostess-with-the-mostest and the number four lady of reality TV, not only shook the place on her body where a booty should be, but actually bellydanced! Well, sort of. Thankfully, the folks at TVgasm captured the spectacle for all of you who don't watch the CBS Early Show (in other words, everyone) and posted this absolutely priceless video.

Although Ms. Chen-Moonves hasn't (yet) taken my suggestion to do a topless cartwheel on live television, this is pretty darn cool.

The folks at Jaunted (those same people who found these photos that you probably never wanted to see), have created Chasing Racers: The Amazing Race 9 Map Mashup. It's an interactive map thingy where you can follow the path of the teams on the race. Try it, it's kind of neat!

My only question is, what the hell is up with Massachusetts and New Jersey on that map? The rest of the eastern United States looks all green and pretty, but those two states look like some sort of concrete wastelands. New Jersey I can understand (I've been there, it's pretty nasty), but Massachusetts? Unless they converted the entire state into a parking lot in the last year, I don't know what's up.

I guess that's what happens when you let gays marry. ALL OF THE TREES DIE!

I’m not going to beat around the bush – this week’s episode kind of sucked, didn’t it? The tasks were pretty easy. There were hardly any opportunities for a real shake-up in the team order. The traveling was limited to driving “around the quaint towns of Sicily,” as the official CBS episode summary described it. What, no gottdang flyin’ bus, Lake pondered? Sorry, Dr. Jerkoff Hick, DDS. Not this week. Just a picturesque tour of quaint Sicilian Teatros and Antiteatros. Fences with heads and statues with none. And cute little doggies who like to have their tummies rubbed. Awwww!

BJ: I love rubbing tummies. But it’s more fun when they have nipple rings.

Karen and I give this episode two bowling balls down. Wait, that doesn’t make any sense. Two bowling pins down. Hmm, that makes sense, but it’s pretty lame. Two giant turds! Yeah. In other words, we were not impressed.

Quite honestly, I wasn’t sure what CBS was thinking when they moved the show to its new 8:00 pm Wednesday timeslot (Don’t you love TVgasm’s cute little school bus? I wish we had the budget for cool graphics like that!), and the first episode they show on the new night is this pile of crapola. And according to Reality Blurred, the already-suffering ratings took a bit of a nose dive. Anyway, I’ll stop bitching. Every season is allowed to have one boring episode. And there were a few good moments…

One of our loyal readers tipped us off to these party photos taken of the "frat boys" Eric and Jeremy and the "hippies" BJ and Tyler. The boys seem to be having a good time, but I think it illustrates the downside of alcohol. Of course the upside is that someone was able to take these pictures! Now the world knows that Jeremy has no pubic hair.

More photos after the jump.

This week the race resumed, sans the spicy Latinas, in Munich, Germany. The girl-girl teams (Wanda and Desiree, the Glamazons, John and Scott) haven’t been having much luck thus far. And with the Double D’s in a distant last place, things are looking bleak for a first-ever all-female Amazing Race victory. If only Karen could have pulled herself her big ass up that cliff, we might have a woman president by now. I will never forgive you, Karen. Neither will Carol Moseley-Braun.

Eric and Jeremy were out of the gate first at 2:15 am. I love these guys. And not just because they’re sexy bitches. They’re actually the most entertaining team on the race this season. I wouldn’t have guessed that they’d be so funny when I first saw their profile on the official CBS website. Speaking of the team profiles, I want to pat myself on the back for the completely made up but almost entirely accurate predictions I made before the season even began. I think I’m psychic, at least when I’m drunk.

Anyway, it’s off to Palermo, Italy! Or Palomo (Eric & Jeremy). Or Paylerrmo (Lake). Or Paaaaalermo (Monica, and probably Sheaaaaron Godlewski, too). Or Palomino (Joseph). Or Pa…… ler…… mo (Fran & Barry). Actually the mummies pronounced it correctly, they’re just physically incapable of uttering more than one syllable per second. Come on you dumb turds, haven’t any of you ever heard of Palermo before? If only Bolo had been there, you know he would have screamed, “fly to Papa Gino’s, Italy!”

The truth is… I had bird flu. It’s true. Seriously, don’t ever have the popcorn chicken at the Bangkok KFC. It may be yummy, but trust me, you dont want these little buggers inhabiting you for two months. Anyway, I have, for the most part, recovered, but don’t you feel BAD for scolding me about the timeliness of our recaps now?? Hmmm? How heartless are you? Bastards.

Anywho, Karen has been doing her best to write the recaps solo while I was in intensive care, but now we’re two whole episodes behind. So what to do? Well, since episode 4 was on almost a week and a half ago, I’m pretty sure none of you even give a creaaaaap (Big ups to my Godlewski gals! Your season may have sucked, but I still love you) about reading a recap anymore, so I’ll sum it up with the shortest recap ever, after the jump!

The contestants had to leave Brazil with a grand exit, jumping a zip line that showed them a beautiful view of Brotas, Brazil, right before reading the clue that tells them they have to travel over 7000 miles to freezing cold RUSSIA!

It was then an auto race to the bus station, where they would take a charter bus to Brotas and then onto the Sao Paolo airport. Unfortunately for Lake and Michelle, "SHUT UP" got in the way of their teamwork and they became lost on the way to the bus station. Parked in a corn field, Lake stood on the hood of his car, trying to see the right direction. Michelle told him to get down because he was denting the roof of the car. Rather than admit he was wrong, Brock told Michelle not "get ugly" with him, and fumed along in silence. Poor Michelle, if only she had competed with her sister or her kid or something.

"Lisa, ah just peed mah paaaants. No, ah reeealy deeeud."