November 4, 2005

Linda Ruiz

Blondes do it better


It's true what they say! Unless, of course, the blondes in question are the two ladies pictured above, and the "it" that they’re doing is anything that requires leadership, creativity, rapping, and/or stain-removing pens.

In this week’s episode of The Apprentice: Martha Stewart, we witnessed the worst Apprentice defeat since that time a team built a batting cage inside Dick’s Sporting Goods with the goal of boosting sales, and instead caused a 30-something percent decline in revenues. Oh wait, wasn’t that last week? Yeesh.

This week, Martha phoned the teams to say, "I’m sorry I can’t be with you today. I’m on my way to an important business meeting." (Translation: "I'm sorry I can’t be with you today. I haven’t figured out how to take off this damn ankle bracelet yet, so I’m in the backseat of my car, parked in the garage, pretending to be on my way to an important business meeting.")

The latest task challenged the domestic-divas-in-training to advertise "Tide To Go" (a pretty amazing little "pen" that "erases" stains instantly) by creating a "live action mobile billboard." What on earth is a "live-action mobile billboard," you ask? Well, it’s basically a truck (mobile) that you dress up with some advertising props (billboard), and then you park it in Times Square and have people in costume harass passers-by with obnoxious advertising "skits" (live-action).

Sounds cool, huh? Because if there’s anything Times Square really needs it’s humongous vehicles that occupy 5 parking spots, and more advertising (that screams at you!).

Primarius was led by bumbling-blonde Sarah and her second-in-command, blown-out-blonde Carrie. While Jim designed a fairly professional-looking backdrop for the truck mobile live-action billboard and Howie came up with the obviously ridiculous idea of creating a boxing character, the fair-haired leadership conceptualized this marketing scheme: "Tide To Go – It’s on the go!" I’ll just let the brilliance of that concept sink in for a bit. You really need to think about it for a minute to truly "get" it.

Little known fact: Carrie and TAR:FE’s Weaver Mom share the same hairdresser.

Matchstick, on the other hand, under the leadership of better-blonde Dawna, created "Tide To Go Joe," a (gasp!) boxing character who was a cross between a superhero and a detergent stick.

Side Note: The best part about The Apprentice this season: lots of cute guys in unitards! (I know Karen would agree with me, because anyone who knows Karen knows that she loves a man in a unitard.)

A few weeks ago, on Donald’s show, we witnessed Mark dress up as Ginny the Blizzard Genie in an advertising task for Dairy Queen. Then, on Martha’s show this week, Ryan donned orange spandex to perform as Tide To Go Joe! Who was cuter? My vote goes to Ryan, but maybe the playing field wasn’t exactly level, what with Mark wearing fake boobs and all. What did you think?


In the end, Matchstick’s spandex hero won over the ad execs, while Primarius’s very uncreative slogan, "Tide To Go... Tide To Go... it's time for Tide To Go!" which was made even worse by rapping it at the top of their lungs while each team member pantomimed a 4 hour seizure on top of the truck, was a complete flop. Imagine that!

UPDATE: If a picture is worth a thousand words, then a video must be worth... a million? I don't know. Anyway, check out TVgasm's video of this truly unforgettable (though I really wish I could) performance here.

Better-than-you-at-everything-blonde Martha was most pleased with Matchstick’s performance, rewarding them with a trip to her Bedford estate (Note to beautiful-bowling-blonde self: if ever sentenced to house arrest, get a Bedford estate). They were treated to a lavish breakfast, and Marcela was the very personal recipient of an unusually intimate bun-grabbing experience.

But back in the conference room, billionaire-businesswoman-blonde Martha was most displeased with the work of Primarius, calling their live-action mobile billboard "an embarrassment." Someone had to be fired, and despite bonehead-blonde Sarah’s best efforts to pin it all on Howie, boss-of-the-boardroom blonde Martha wasn’t buying her b.s., and she sent both of the blondies (sorry, I ran out of adjectives that start with a "b") packing.

Lessons learned: Blondes usually do it better, but sometimes even blondes have bad ideas. And, cute guys in unitards = always a good idea.


Posted by Linda Ruiz in - Martha - on November 4, 2005 3:14 PM


You got it right, Linda... I had been watching this whole season hoping Ryan would put on a unitard. Thank goodness I didn't miss all those episodes of "Veronica Mars" for nothing!!

Love Karen

Posted by: Karen at November 5, 2005 10:28 AM

Loved Ryan in that spandex outfit and boots.

Posted by: alex at December 29, 2005 4:41 PM